Be Happy
Foamy: Ever have one of those days where you're just pissed off at everything? Doesn't matter the reason; Maybe somebody stole your cat. Maybe somebody picked his nose and wiped it on your shopping cart. Maybe someone got the last copy of Big Booty Quarterly from your local news stand, leaving you high and dry for the weekend. Whatever the reason, you're pissed! The day drags on and you're now sieving at the idea of someone else molesting your copy of Big Booty Quarterly, and then, suddenly, you bump into a friend who requests your company for lunch. So you go to some papaya place that serves hot dogs and catch up on whatever the fuck this loser's doing with his life. As you lose interest, your mind wanders and you fantasize about the many ways you can kill this prick with the untouched hot dog you reluctantly purchased solely on this douchebag's request! So as the inane conversation slowly chips away at your cordial facade, your "friend" is starting to notice that you're not particularily in a good mood and proceeds to halfheartedly inquire about your day. "What's up, man? You seem to be in a bad mood." So you respond with a: "Yeah, just one of those days, you know?", not delving into too much detail about how you should be at home whacking off to big booties instead of listening to this waste of space gabbing on about his trip to the hair spa! "You need to cheer up, man!" Here we go... The ever well meaning "friend" starts dulling out some contribed mantra, containing the phrases "lighten up," "be happy," "cheer up," "chill out," "relax," "don't dwell," etc, etc, etc! Folks, shut the fuck up! When people are in a bad mood, sometimes they just don't want to be bothered! They don't want to hear about how they should "cheer up" or "be happy," ''they just don't want to be annoyed for a while! And you, and your fat mouth, are now fucking that up! On the other hand, you have those people who aren't really in a bad mood, but pretend to be, merely for the sake of getting attention. They'll go on and on about some bullshit story about how they missed out on some sale for some gaudy neon sandles sold on some high end store, all the while tears streaming from their eyes as if they've suffered some emotionally crushing defeat, and shall ''"never shop again!" These people need to be beaten!! Stop looking for attention, you fucking shallow cocksuckers!! I don't want to hear about your "bad day" ''or how you ''"missed some sale!" I don't care about how you burned your cake, lost a game of Scrabble, or scratched your car! I don't care if you lost your phone, "had a bad time on Facenook," or are arguing with your "best friend" because you accidentally posted a picture of her from last night's orgy! DON'T CARE!! Just forward me the picture and be on your way! In contrast, when dealing with people who truly don't want to be bothered, just leave them the fuck alone. Don't poke at them with your stick of joy, don't massage them with your verbal pep talk. Just do as they say and leave them the fuck alone. I don't know what it is about people. Is it really so hard to figure out what type of person you're dealing with? Is no one honest about their feelings anymore? I don't know about the rest of you, but when I say leave me the fuck alone, I'm in a bad mood. And that means leave me the fuck alone! I'm in a bad mood! I'm not trying some reverse psychology where I "really want you to try and cheer me up", I'm not seeking attention, I just want you to leave me the fuck alone. Simple enough! "Man, if I thought you were going to be such a downer, I would've just gotten straight home with my new copy of Big Booty Quarterly and done something productive!" Ugh!!